Exhausted and ready for what's next, that's how I've been feeling lately. 2022 was a year of more tests and trials, resulting in God closing one door and opening our hearts to another. We spent time grieving the possibility of our own genetic children and those that we've lost over the last 10 years while continuing to pray for God's will to be done in our family. We know He has a plan for us, and we are excited for this new season of life, growth, and we are finally ready to share it with you...
This year we will be adopting a snowflake, and we could not be more excited. A snowflake is an embryo, which another couple fertilized and froze in the hope of using in their IVF journey. However, most families create more embryos than they end up using, and they then have the opportunity to donate their remaining embryos to families like us.
You may be asking why we chose to adopt this way when there are children in the world who need a home. We understand that, but the truth is that many organizations currently have too many families waiting for infants and not enough children to place. In fact, the organization we planned on working with originally has publicly posted that they're not accepting new couples to be waitlisted at this time. This is an incredible problem to have - if you can call it a problem. Not enough displaced or unwanted babies - to that, I say, praise God! This is just one more way God has been guiding us toward our future family by closing this door to domestic adoption.
What's amazing is that one of my ethics professors at Biola discussed embryo adoption with me back in 2016 while working on my master's degree. I even remember him telling me he knew of this great organization which he would love to talk to us more about if we moved out to California. But I had put this information completely out of my mind until I started researching this year, and guess what organization we decided to work with? You guessed it - that exact organization. I didn't even realize it until after we had chosen them.
God is so good, and it's been wonderful to see Him at work - orchestrating this part of our story.
NightLight Adoptions helps families with all kinds of adoption - domestic, international, foster to adopt, and embryo adoption. If you're looking to adopt in the future, I sincerely recommend you check out their website.
To be honest, I have been that sad girl for a long time. Carrying grief like a storm cloud over my head, praying for God to fill me with joy and spark life in my womb. The fantastic thing about embryo adoption is that I will get to carry our baby through to delivery.
How miraculous is that?!
For years I have read and reread and wept over the story of Hannah in the bible. If you don't know, Hannah was an Israelite who was barren and prayed desperately for a child. So desperately that a priest who saw her accused her of being drunk to act in such a way. But God heard her pleas and answered her prayers, providing her with a son, Samuel, who would come to be a respected and godly prophet for the nation of Israel, as well as other sons and daughters. You can read her story here.
The thing is, Hannah was sad, the same kind of sad that I was - the heavy kind that people avoided in case whatever you had could spread. Hannah was ridiculed in her household for not having children and carried the weight of that shame with her wherever she went. I have felt this same weight of grief, shame, and sorrow. You may believe that there is not a similar stigma in our modern world, but I would argue differently. A couple in their 30s and 40s is constantly asked, "do you have kids?," "how old are your kids?," or "when are you two going to settle down and have kids?" There is an assumption in our culture that we should have children by now. Those who know our story no longer ask these questions because they respect our pain and know that our hearts continue to long for a child, but we still experience this hurt and shame for being barren on a regular basis.
The thing is, we have never stopped praying, just like Hannah, for God to fill this longing in our hearts. We know He hears us and has been waiting patiently for us to align ourselves with His plans. He sparked life in a lab and has had our children waiting for us, frozen in time. And now, we are starting the process of turning those sparks into a healthy pregnancy.
Please don't misunderstand me; we have not been without joy. God has filled our cups time and again with friends, nieces, and nephews, our church, opportunities to share our story and pray for others, etc., but the waves that come with miscarriage after miscarriage are hard to overcome. We have been working for years to not let our losses overshadow the blessings that follow them. And we know that God has more joy to shower us with in the future.
We can't wait to share updates with you about how this season progresses. We have pages upon pages of paperwork to complete, a home study, CPR/First Aid classes, and many medical tests ahead of us. I've updated an entire page on AdoptTogether.org with information about this piece of our story, a place to donate financially, and FAQ's regarding embryo adoption, and Nightlight.org as well. But if you have questions or want to submit a prayer for us in this new season, please leave a comment below because we know that it takes a village, and the conversation shouldn't stop here.
Shalom,
Sarah
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